Worms and Pizza

I fully recognize the possibility that I am not as bright as the dimmest star visible in the night sky on the northernmost main island of Hokkaido. To be sure, the Milky Way, the Constellations and such are out in force where the sky is big, cold and crisp.

But, Hokkaido is not where I am going with this post. It's Yokosuka. And its 25+ some years ago when all I knew was that good morning sounded like the state where I grew up, Ohio, and I could count to ten and say, "Let's go!"

I was a good student of Japanese in that I worked hard at the language, not so much in that I learned fast. Perhaps diligent is a better description.

Yokosuka is home to a US Naval port and I served there for almost 3 years. You would think that the Japanese in that town would be more friendly towards us gaijin (another word I learned very soon) in Yokosuka than in other places.

Wrong!

Early on in my language study, I had learned a few expressions – How to say I want something, how to count, and how to say hello on the phone – moshi moshi.

I called Shakeys to order a pizza.

"Mushi mushi."

The girl on the other end laughed at me.

"Mushi mushi."

More laughter.

Frustration… When all is fails and you are not understood, what do you do? Speak louder, of course.

"MUSHI MUSHI!!"

Even more laughter equal in volume to me.

Six more Shakey's workers later and lots of laughter at my expense, and finally someone took my order.

Later I asked my girlfriend at the time about the laughter. She asked what I said.

"Mushi mushi."

Then she laughed at me.

Just as I was about to enjoy my pizza by myself, she explained. Mushi is a bug as in a worm, insect, little yucky critter. Moshi is the word.

Mu as in Moo vs Mo as in Moat.

And if you think it doesn't make a difference, call Shakey's, and give them a laugh.

My point – after teaching English to Japanese for nearly 20 years, I have become somewhat capable (I am being humble here), I am actually a master at how to understand, interpret, guess, pull out of nowhere what it is a Japanese student who is butchering my language is trying to say. I can do it without laughing, too. I wonder, however, why so many Japanese can't give us gaijin students a break, can't figure out what it is we are trying to say when we struggle with the language.

Are we really that unintelligible?

Thoughts?

Tell me, what's the dumbest thing you ever said in Japanese?